Back-Slider Phobia and How to Overcome it

Back-slider phobia is an intense and debilitating fear of coming into face to face contact with someone who slid back out the prison doors of a religious system.

Symptoms include but are not limited to:

• Avoiding areas where the back-slider may show up; If you do come into close contact with a backslider, you may experience unlcear thinking, anxiety, sweating, churning of the stomach, difficulty breathing, and an intense urge to run. Being alone intensifies your symptoms
• Persistant images of the back-slider and an obsession of what you would say and how you would act in the case of an unfortunate encounter
• Secretly scanning their social media sites for evidence of the corruption their new found freedom has caused them
• Unrealistic fears of being poisoned or destroyed by the back slider
• Avoiding any sincere and honest conversation with them unless you feel sure it is only to get them back into the prison
• An addiction to conversations with others about the imagined pitiful condtion of the back slider
• Superstitious beliefs that any misfortune befalling the backslider is God’s punishment for their escape
• Secret and hidden desires to be a brave and genuine, free-flying backslider
• Feeling powerlessness believing that the backslider will overcome you and lead to you to your destruction
• Fear that intimate conversation with a backslider will stir up all those unanswered questions that you put on a back-burner years ago and left there
• Resentment and even hatred towards the backslider due to personal abandonment issues

Things you can do to overcome the Back-slider Phobia

1. Exposure: As with any phobia, you need short periods of exposure. Start by just looking at a picture of them. Notice what comes up. Is it sadness, fear, hatred, anger? Acknowledge those feelings and realize that they are about you and not the back-slider. Gradually work up to exposure, perhaps in a gathering with your safe people. Consistent exposure is pertinent. Try and be in their presence for a few minutes, extending it to longer and longer periods of time, until that uncomfortable, stress-filled feeling over their presence begins to dissipate and you can once again see them as just a human being like you.
2. Own your fears: Realize that your fears over the backslider are rooted in your own insecurities about the prison house you are stuck in and not about where the person you once loved and “fellowshiped” with is or what they are doing today.
3. Give Yourself a Reality Check: Start acknowledging the misfortunes in your own life as part of life and not God’s punishments or tests of your faithfulness.
4. Think Positively: Develop a healthier view of a loving God rather than focusing on a wrathful God. Try and see the good in the backslider instead of looking for evidence of bad.
5. Get in Touch with Yourself: Explore your own insecurities of abandonment- consider seeing a therapist and definitely do some inner child work.
6. Create Healthy Boundaries: Realize that the backslider is exactly where they need to be in their own personal journey and it is not your job to judge them or pray them back to the prison house. They made a choice and so did you.
7. Redirect Your Hatred and Resentment: Make a list of all the things you would change about that person to make them acceptable to you. Next, close your eyes and see those things you would change about them in your own self. Remember how we react to others simply mirrors something that we see in ourselves.
8. Exercise Emotional Intelligence: Try and see things from the backsliders point of view. Understand that they hurt, cry, feel angry and agitated sometimes, they love, feel passion and want to be happy and feel good just like  YOU!
9. Take Responsibility for Your Part: Make a list of the reasons you believe the backslider left the prison house. Did you encourage any of those reasons? Did you play a part in pushing them further away?
10. Challenge the Reality of Your Fear: Realize that you have these fears for a reason. Where did they come from? Are they legitimate fears? How so? You have been made to believe that backsliders are bad people and that they are dangerous and need to be avoided. Challenge this mentality as it really has nothing to do with the love of God as it does with the agendas of the religious affiliation.

Remember that fear is the lowest vibrational emotion that exists.

Irrational fears keep you from the love of God, but perfect love casts out fear.

God does not want us to fear but to love.

God does not want us to judge but to accept.

God does not want us to control but to set people free!

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Don’t Judge Me

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“Don’t judge me” is probably one of the most common phrases thrown out there by humanity. People do not like to be judged by others because they feel like others lack real insight into their own personal situation; and for the most part, this is absolutely true. Even the bible admonishes us about judging in scriptures such as Mathew 7:1 “Judge not, that ye may not be judged” and Romans 14:13 “Let us not therefore judge one another any more.”

But the reality is, we all judge. Insomuch as you declare, “do not judge me” you are judging; you have judged those you believe are judging you.

Judge: To form an opinion about something after careful thought; to regard as either good or bad

There really is no escaping judgement- neither giving or receiving it. So what are these scripture in the Bible about? Let us look at the amplified version of Matthew 7:1-2:

Do not judge and criticize and condemn others, so that you may not be judged and criticized and condemned yourselves. ² For just as you judge and criticize and condemn others, you will be judged and criticized and condemned, and in accordance with the measure you [use to] deal out to others, it will be dealt out again to you.

A problem arises when we sit on a pedestal, believing ourselves to be more special or deserving than the hypocrite, the murderer, the thief, the adulterous, the one who disobeys… We cease to see our own spiritual infidelities. Our hearts become unrepentant. We forget that we are all made of the same dirt and will all return to that dirt. Thinking we have judged rightly, we will find in the end that we have misjudged our own position before God. This also carries over to putting some people in higher esteem than others.

You see, the one condemned in your eyes, is the one Jesus Christ died for. The one whom you think yourself superior too, this is the one that “God so loved, that he gave his only begotten Son” for. That one that you have disregarded? That is the one that Christ is seeking to save.

Most people believe they are not judging. But let us consider some trigger words. What sort of thoughts come to mind when you read these words. Ponder them each individually and slowly:

Homosexuality. Muslim. Abortion. Christian. Jesus. Buddha. Science. Family. Gandhi. Mother Theresa. Baptism. Salvation. Heaven. Hell.

This list could be infinite. Each word will conjure up something within your heart, and for each word, you have a personal judgement made about it. The problem does not lie in what your personal perception and understanding of these words is. The problem lies when you attach these labels to people and consequently praise or condemn, befriend or avoid them.

One of the most damaging thoughts out there in our time is the thought of “toxic people.” Many quotes are being circulated in our world about staying away from these toxic-humanoids. Yes, you may as well call it something different than human. This thought process is loaded with judgement and condemnation, because as soon as you have labeled somebody “toxic” you have judged them.

Does that mean that staying away from someone that may harm you or pressure you to go against your own conscience is wrong? No! That is healthy. But, remember, those that deserve our attention the least, may need it the most. If we must, for our own safety, put distance between us and another person, do so with love, praying that this person may get the healing and help they so desperately need. But pushing people out of our lives just because they are different, difficult or not what we expected, is harmful.

Life is not easy- no matter who is in it. This life is meant to teach us lessons and lessons are not learned through ease. We all have a powerful inner-critic at work all the time. Let us not be found guilty of strengthening the inner critic of others.

“Don’t judge me until you have walked a mile in my shoes.” 

Too many wear this like a badge of honor, yet do not honor this in others. We cannot sit a critic and condemner and love at the same time.

Most of religion is set up with walls- enclosing people, codes, regulations, laws, hierarchy and tradition inside walls and judging and excluding those who stay without them. There was a letter written to the Galatians dealing with this very thing in chapter 2 we read:

Even that question came up only because of some so-called believers there—false ones, really^[b]—who were secretly brought in. They sneaked in to spy on us and take away the freedom we have in Christ Jesus. They wanted to enslave us and force us to follow their Jewish regulations. ⁵ But we refused to give in to them for a single moment. . . ¹⁴ When I saw that they were not following the truth of the gospel message, I said to Peter in front of all the others, “Since you, a Jew by birth, have discarded the Jewish laws and are living like a Gentile, why are you now trying to make these Gentiles follow the Jewish traditions? . . . And we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we might be made right with God because of our faith in Christ, not because we have obeyed the law. For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law. . . I am a sinner if I rebuild the old system of law I already tore down. ¹⁹ For when I tried to keep the law, it condemned me. So I died to the law—I stopped trying to meet all its requirements—so that I might live for God. ²⁰ My old self has been crucified with Christ.^[e] It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. ²¹ I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.

Many times those who sit in judgement get angry when you highlight these scriptures, because they have turned the Bible into their God and have dissected its words and created another system of laws which was never the purpose of Christ. His purpose was to come and light the way of every man. His purpose was to turn us away from the incessant struggle of habitual fleshly sins, and to allow his light to come into our hearts and lead and guide us.

“Don’t judge me!”

This is impossible. No matter how you live your life, someone here will judge you and condemn you. But as we allow the light of Christ to illuminate our hearts and draw closer and closer to this unconditional love, we will no longer feel the need to defend ourselves, nor to judge others. God’s grace and love will suffice us!

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What About Love?

Come hear me good brothers come here one and all
Don’t brag about standing or you’ll surely fall
You’re shinin’ your light yes and shine if you should
You’re so heavenly minded and you’re no earthly good

Come here me good sisters you’re salt of the earth
If your salt isn’t salted then what is it worth
You could give someone a cool drink if you would
You’re so heavenly minded and you’re no earthly good
~Johnny Cash

I mean, really, how do you win a fight with someone who picks it just because you have a certain color of skin? or because you are a certain gender? or because you believe something different than they do? And so because of one, or all of the above, they just decide you are toxic- not worthy of their time or attention. Because you do not see the world the way they see it, or do things the way they do it, you may as well be invisible- dismissed from their presence as someone not just of no value, but worse; you are someone who needs to be disposed of. They will not be found in your presence- not because you have ever done them wrong, or done anyone wrong. In fact, in many ways, you have done your best to love them and to reach out to them in times of need. But, because you are different- or because you no longer have the same beliefs as them, you are now someone to stay away from. Hmmm…

This happened to me today. Someone I love decided I was no longer worthy to be in their presence. Though I tried to put the hurt and pain aside and bring happiness to those who remain in my life, but the stress of it brought on a headache. Resting on the sofa after making a fun Mexican dinner for the family, my husband bid me to hasten back into the kitchen. My youngest daughter was having seizure.

We laid her on the floor, and called out to the God who has never left us nor forsaken us; He heard my cry… my paradigm shift has never affected his love for me- in fact, he is the one who has given me the shift, that I might grow in my spirit and be more compassionate and open to the world about me.

Seems odd to me that we come from the same God, pray to the same God, love the same God, but cannot be together, because we do not see things from the same view point.

I think about love. So many religious people say that love is paramount. How did Christ love? He loved those who did not see the way he saw. He loved those who were sinners. He loved those who followed him and those who did not. He loved all. He went to the cross to prove the lengths he would go to for love- “Greater love has not man than he who lays down his life for his friends.” Christ loved even the one who betrayed him, calling him friend. Christ did not avoid people to save his own soul. He loved people and laid down his own life.

Some people are afraid; they are afraid to love too much. Is there really such a thing in a world of so much hate and turmoil?

I think we would get a lot further in this world, if people would quit trying to prove they are the right; if people would just be honest enough to admit, we are all in the same boat together, and none of us, NO ONE knows everything and the everything some of us think we know, may very well not be true at all. If we could just decide, I am going to LOVE – everyone, all the time! No matter what!

That is what Christ did.

People followed him, not so much because of what he said, but because of how he made them feel– loved, accepted, wanted. He taught them, and they took his lessons because they FIRST felt his LOVE!

Christ taught that in the end he would recognize his, not by what they believed, or achieved; Not by how many people they influenced or pointed to him; But by how they treated others- by how they LOVED! 

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“Your most meaningful work in the Kingdom of God may not be the big things that you do —
but the one little person you love. “

~Ann Voskamp

“Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loves is born of God, and knows God.” (1John 4:7)

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